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Thursday, July 10, 2008

Russian Roulette?

He looks so damn happy doesn't he?


So, liking to think I am a "smart" girl, which is confusing, because I also like to refer to myself as a "beautiful" girl and a "hilarious" girl...so maybe what I am saying is I relate more so to Jesus then most...and that goes without saying considering I did try and help him buy new sandals once at Macy's, but damn that man sure does like himself a good brown leather...wait...I am sorry...I was going somewhere with this before...

Ok, back to topic, so being a "smart" girl blahdiddy blah blah ( I tend to like to make air quotes when I say it) I try and do this thing in my life that I refer to as - "not getting pregnant". Now this is seemingly becoming a more difficult task then originally assumed.

You say Birthcontrol.

I say Potato you say Potato.

I dont know what the hell that rhyme is people but I know it makes sense in my head.

Now this whole "birth control" thing is considering not as effective as once seemed...and by "not effect" I do mean "Not effective when you dont use it". I wish it was just plain old effective just by thinking about it, I mean, no one told me I actually have to use the stuff. Damn MAMA! That is a hell lotta work!

I say this considering I have taken about three baby-tests in the past year alone. And thankfully none of them have come up positive, but I am starting to wonder, how many can you pass before your luck is up?

As I say this, I can think of three or so of my girlfriends who are all on Plan B right now, praying that whatever is in that thing will get rid of any Mike Jr, Danny Jr, Sutton Place Bar Jr... that might possibly be in them. I called my friend up the other day who told me not to worry, I couldn't never be pregnant ever because I - "drink too much, all that alcohol will kill the baby."
I actually reasoned it in my head for a minute.

The point here being, why are we all suddenly being so non-cautious with our bodies? It is like the HIV and AIDs epidemic suddenly creep away and we started saying things like, "Well I don't personally KNOW anyone with AIDS, so therefore it may not exist in my circle and who likes a condom anyway?"

And I will agree with that, a condom is just about the most unromantic thing to ever exist, but also completely necessary. And yet too many of us cannot even be bothered with a simple piece of latex (or sheepskin for your dirty birds out there.) But more importantly after you start seeing someone for three...four...five months (mother of sweet Jesus do people do this?!) ... you start to wonder, is the condom necessary? Clearly after five months they cannot get me pregnant anymore, it's like a rule or something. Who needs condoms?! Who needs birth control that makes you fat and cranky? (Not I!).

I mentioned this to a friend the other day, telling her I think sex during my period must be OK, because I cannot get pregnant then. "Well" She said, "That's a little bit like playing Russian Roulette, dont cha think?"



And GOD DAMN I am a bad card player!

What about the rhythm method?

What about all those damn catholics, I mean it's not like they have more like 1 or 2...or 6 children right?

8 Cizz-omments:

MsPuddin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MsPuddin said...

ok me and you are one in the same, because if I did get knocked up my baby would probably die of alcohol poisioning or some other unknown substance, before the plan B kicked in.

Wear condoms, forever. That's what I believe...

DCD said...

Crazy you just posted this. A couple weeks ago, my booty call was over at my place and we were doing the dew and I was ready to finish and she says "Cum inside me, I just had my period so I can't get pregnant." "I'm like what?!? Are you serious?" So thinking with the little man I let it out, literally. The next day I'm asking her, are you sure we don't need to get Preven or Plan B and she says "You really must not know anything about the female body." I still have no idea if this is true or not. I'm trying to figure out the exact day this happened so I can get through the 28 days and feel some relief. But the fact remains I shouldn't even be putting myself in a situation where I have to worry about that, or any form of STDs too.

It really seems like there is a trend towards people not fearing pregnancy or STDs anymore, which is frightening. And what's even crazier is that so many chicks aren't on some other form of birth control. I swear to God, the day the male pill is available I'll go on it right away.

Anonymous said...

I am ALWAYS so worried about this kinda stuff...I think until I am married it will be a worry...and even then maybe so..

TOPolk said...

I had one scare in college (due to a similar experience that dcd had -- a woman asking you to cum inside of her is damn near irresistible) and that was more than enough for me. Always wrap it up.

Personally, I think I could handle an STD better than I could a kid. An STD effects me (and any potential partners). A kid affects the lives of at least three people for at least 18 years. No ma'am. No ma'am.

"You better wear a latex, so you don't get a late text...that 'I think I'm late' text." - LW

Jocular Schlemiel said...

I'd recommend the pill. And if not the pill: pull and pray...otherwise you are in for a shotgun wedding.

Why don't you try playing hard to get once in a while? That way, the guys with STDs won't bother because they are used to getting it often, which equals why they have said STD in the first place.

Lioux said...

I'm not good at card games either, Kim.

I keep losing at Strip Solitaire.

Steph said...

I read an article in the New Yorker basically saying that a large percentage of New York 20somethings were not wrapping it up.... It's kind of ick when you think about it in percentages.... There are lots of us dirty monkeys out there....