So let’s turn down the lights a bit. Get some candles going. Set the mood. Close your eyes…but wait, no keep them open and keep reading…so move your body around a bit. You hear some Usher starting to play softly in the background…You want to, “Make love in this club (what?!) ..In this club (Who?!) …In this club (where?! ).. In this club…”
Ok yeah, so you are standing there and he enters the room, wearing nothing but a…well..ok a Speedo, but still, hey I am not saying anything…because he is damn Michael Phelps and he just got done winning the Gold Medal in the Backstroke for you! All for you damnit!
So he walks over to you and you cant help but stare at his legs,
Ok good, good, relax, look at those pelvic bones…nice..oookay nice…doing well, oh yeah…that waist..that tight smooth skin..
and you just want to grab his arms and wrap them around his body and pull him down to you…until his body is next to yours and you look up and notice his SWEET HONEY BEARS IN VEGAS WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH HIS FACE…I DON’T UNDERSTAND…HOW COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE..HOW COULD A GOOD GOD BE SO CRUEL…..OK EYES DOWNWARD... EYES. DOWN. WARD…LOOK . DOWN. LOOK DOWN NOW!
Ok ok, wait until the vomit subsides…ok, swallow back the vomit and stare at those legs…ok , you ok? Are we ok now? Ok good...Staring at the legs again? Ok , yes let the nausea pass…ok good, look at those calves, and those hamstring…yum? Ok good, now…oh don’t look up…
HOLY HELL WHAT HAPPENED, SOMEONE PLEASE BURN MY EYES WITH CHLORINE AND AMMONIUM CONCENTRATE I CANT STAND TO LOOK AT THIS FACE ANYMORE….