Thursday, October 4, 2007

Thin Walls, Cell Phones and The Discovery Channel...essentially everything upsetting in life

I used to live in an apartment on 80th street that was about the size of a cubical and my roommate Molly’s and my bedroom were separated by essentially a sheet of poster board. Lifestyles of the rich and famous for sure. Molly had a boyfriend at the time who was a merchant marine who used to come over to our place and turn on the Discovery channel and watch shows about ships…and water…and things made with screws and metal…it was all very upsetting for me.

This is about the actual size of my apartment on 80th street, it was also a center for
kids who want to learn how to read good

For some reason though whenever her boyfriend came over I was always doing something that seemed to clarify the fact why I was the single one, such as being in bed watching the reenactment of the Michael Jackson Trial on E!, eating massive amounts of those yellow chickadee marshmallows. They would be in her bedroom right next door to me, kissing and cuddling, while I sat in my green face mask, practicing how to take photos of myself with my digital camera.
I was always frightened I would wake up to the sounds of something more than the Discovery ship channel blowing horns at night and possibly to the sound of something else being…um…blown… so I went to bed most nights with my fan set on high.

One of my good friends also suffered with a case of ‘thin walls’ and was subjected to listening to her roommate’s vibrator one night. The first time she woke up she was positive a cell phone was going off. She realized after a good ten minutes that unless that vibrating cell phone had some serious battery power this was not exactly a late night phone call going on. And her roommate had a body odor problem to boot..and slept on a mattress on the floor with all her clothes piled into trash bags, no joke, 'Classy' is the only word I know how to describe that...She was not the kind of girl you want to imagine ever taking her underwear off for anything. In fact I think underwear should have been permanently sewn onto her body along with a metal chastity belt and 15 sticks of deodorant…but hey, I’m just thinking out loud here.

If these aren't sexy, then I don't know what Sexy is..