SELFABSORBED.ME

In response to MSPuddings request…I have to post 7 things people don’t know about me….I normally don’t do this “request” shit but considering MSP is from LA I don’t want to mess around with her, I hear those west coast girls are some crazy bitches… And as a timid, LL Bean wearing, Northeastern’er, I am scared of her.

So here goes nothing:

1- My nephew looks so much like me when I hold him in public places people ask me if he’s mine... essentially he is ridiculously good looking. Even at six months he gets the ladies. Diaper-crib-style

Pimpin aint easy

2- Last year I worked with Ani Difranco’s older brother
3- I got an entire group of people lost in Miami once try to find the ‘beach’ in ‘South Beach’…everyone ended up on a bus somewhere at midnight asking the driver if we were still in Florida
4- I can actually sing and not just to Journey. When I was 15 I recorded and produced my first CD. I still have a box of those CD’s in my parent’s basement somewhere….and NO, it wasn’t called the ‘Babysitter Club Blues’
5- I had a psychic tell me once that I when I grew up I was going to work in some job involving “computers” and “writing”…she was one dumb bitch
6- Four of my serious relationships were ALL with personal trainers…and I still don’t know how to use that damn squat machine without falling on top of it

Damnit why is Jimmy wearing my shorts again?

7- My ex-roommate got in a fight with T-Pain in club over the summer….I try and not get in fights, ever, but especially not with people who are named things like, ‘T-Pain’

WHY?

WHY?

-Why do personal trainers in gyms like to use made-up terms to confuse you? Terms like “cardiovascular”, “fitness” and “aerobic activity”. By using these terms they can convince you to stand in the middle of the gym on top of a neon plastic ball, doing crunches, while swinging a jump rope. Let’s call personal training what it really is…making you look like an asshole.

-Why do you always have one friend whom you can never explain what it is they do and the more you try to explain what they do, the more confused you get? “Oh yeah Mike works with computers at this company, he rewires things, I mean he uses wires, well there are wires in the computer and he touches them… I think he touches the wires…maybe he just has other people touch the wires…I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t even see the wires, maybe he is just in a backroom somewhere studying what the wires might look like, I don’t really know..” Until you are eventually like, “Yeah fuck it, I have no idea what Mike does.”

-Why it is that one friend can never find the place is it you are going to, no matter what you do to try and help them. Even if you MapQuest the place for them, draw a diagram, highlight the route, drive their car there yourself, put them in a wheelchair and wheel them right in front of the building, they will still sit there and go, “Umm… yeah I have no idea where this place is.”

-Why can I not cook any kind of food in the microwave at work, because it is inevitable that everyone is going to want to make a comment about it. People come out of their office to try and see who is cooking something the minute any type of smell is produced. Your co-workers feel the need of actually take guesses at what the smell is, until you finally have to be like, “Dude, it’s popcorn...”

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And finally, in case you missed it...