Being that I am ridiculously good looking as well as vastly intelligent and incredibly humble, I have come to the idea that it is inevitable the I am going to soon be married and popping out kids. Now I know what you are thinking, “but Kim, what does this have to do with you being the next supermodel of the world” and nothing except that when I become a model I will rename the ‘super model’ into the ‘uber model’..and oh wait, what? I am sorry, what were we talking about? … Oh right, so when I have kids I have decided to make a list of the first things I am going to tell my son when he is born, and being that he will be a child of mine I assume he will be speaking English, Spanish, Portuguese, punting field goals and doing math equations with square roots times infinity.. all by the age 3 months…so a little life lesson at age 1 week will not be to tough for him…hence I continue on to my life lessons for my son:
- There are no cool ‘guy sunglasses’, they do not exist, ‘tiss the way of the world, your sunglasses will either make you look like you’re going skiing or flying an airplane plane
- Your little impression of ‘driving a toy truck’ will never impress me, I don’t care that you can push around a Tonka truck, if you can turn that Tonka truck into a pile of diamonds, then we’ll talk
- Don’t try and talk to girls unless you have something interesting to say, no one will care that you “are hungry” or “need a break from sewing mommy’s dresses”…no one.. and you certainly wont impress other girls with that
- Crying is never appropriate, when you are hurt or sad, you take it like a man and go punch yourself in the balls… or whatever it is that men do when their sad
