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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Lessons to My Non-Conceived Son

Being that I am ridiculously good looking as well as vastly intelligent and incredibly humble, I have come to the idea that it is inevitable the I am going to soon be married and popping out kids. Now I know what you are thinking, “but Kim, what does this have to do with you being the next supermodel of the world” and nothing except that when I become a model I will rename the ‘super model’ into the ‘uber model’..and oh wait, what? I am sorry, what were we talking about? … Oh right, so when I have kids I have decided to make a list of the first things I am going to tell my son when he is born, and being that he will be a child of mine I assume he will be speaking English, Spanish, Portuguese, punting field goals and doing math equations with square roots times infinity.. all by the age 3 months…so a little life lesson at age 1 week will not be to tough for him…hence I continue on to my life lessons for my son:

- There are no cool ‘guy sunglasses’, they do not exist, ‘tiss the way of the world, your sunglasses will either make you look like you’re going skiing or flying an airplane plane



- Your little impression of ‘driving a toy truck’ will never impress me, I don’t care that you can push around a Tonka truck, if you can turn that Tonka truck into a pile of diamonds, then we’ll talk

I only respond to diamonds, they make good friends
and who needs real love when you can have the love
of something shiny


- Don’t try and talk to girls unless you have something interesting to say, no one will care that you “are hungry” or “need a break from sewing mommy’s dresses”…no one.. and you certainly wont impress other girls with that

- Crying is never appropriate, when you are hurt or sad, you take it like a man and go punch yourself in the balls… or whatever it is that men do when their sad


- Be a man at the gym, I don’t care that you are “12 days old” and “can’t keep up with mommy on the StairMaster” you better strap on that diaper real tight and start steppin!

9 Cizz-omments:

Tyra Banks®™©™ said...

You should try out for the next season of my hit television show ANTM®™©™!

I'LL BE ROOTING FOR YOU!!!

WE'LL ALL BE ROOTING FOR YOU!!!

lioux said...

Wow!!!

You're like the next Dr. Spock®™©™.

Not the Star Trek®™©™ one though.

Ha Ha Sound said...

That was really funny. Although what about Bono's sunglasses? Those are kind of cool, actually.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@Tyra- I am pretty sure Miss Banks would eat me alive..literally...and I dont like being yelled at, it makes me cry

@Lioux- is there another Dr Spock? Like a sexy one?

@Haha- Which ones does Bono wear? I would need to see some proof on that one

MsPuddin said...

If I ever put my uterus to work I want boys too. And NYC chick, I also noticed how humble you are. It was humbling to know of your humbling nature…

MsP

The Cajun Boy said...

so i guess i didn't win the "ponderings sperm donor lottery?"

lioux said...

NYCP Chick, here is the non Star Trek®™©™ Dr. Spock®™©™ I was talking about.

I think he may be sexy in an outdated dinosaury type of way.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@ Caj- not this week, maybe try your number again next week

@Lioux- i like the baby butt cover, that's hot

Paris Hilton®™©™ said...

That's hot.