SELFABSORBED.ME

Saturday nights are what I call a “blood bath” …it is a war scene with every man out for himself…the last Saturday I spent out in the city I was greeted by a long line of people. A line? People apparently didn't know this was Murray Hill and not fucking Studio 54. Then inside it was so crowded that trying to walk to the back of the bar was more like passing through the receiving line at a wedding; you stand there, moving slowly, passing people nodding and smiling, sometimes bowing like a small Chinese man. And without fail one of your friends somehow gets lost in the crowd or falls behind the ranks, you leave them and don’t stop to look back….you can never stop to look back! You wait until everyone is back outside the bar and then figure out who is going to go back in and retrieve the man-down. Whoever is “the chosen one” ventures back into the bar like a soldier going back onto the combat grounds…. her purse flinging everywhere, chest puffed out, hands pushing away people on all sides, stilettos crushing rolling beer bottles like tiny land mines.



During this time, the friends waiting outside have their own heroic duties to perform. They are put into high-texting mode. This involves everyone texting simultaneously, “Where are you?” to the girl left behind. If she does not respond within a calculated minute and a half, then there is another, more angry text sent out. “You better get outside before we leave without you...” In this text sometimes CAPS are put into use… because as we all know CAPS MEANS BUSINESS. If the mission becomes too much for one person to handle, a 3rd girl be sent in to retrieve both Girl A and Girl B. This is done only under severe circumstances …and by “severe” I do mean,one of the girls waiting outside has to pee.