Walking up my apartment's treacherous two flights of stairs last night with my roommate, I went on what can only be called a typical ‘Kim Tyrant’, or ‘Temper Tantrum’ for the Harvard graduates out there. I was yelling all the way up the stairs about something that has bothered me since the dawn of time, and that dawn of time clearly being October 29th, 1981 when I was born. Hello people, pay attention here.
“You know what just frosts my cookies!” I yelled at my roommate. “That us women have to go through years and years of ‘pretending’ to want to have a successful job when all I really want to do is just go make some babies.”
Now I know what you all are thinking, “But Kim, women are taking over the world, we are the largest growing demographic to not only get a college education, but a graduate education as well.”
Know what I say to that? EDUMAHCATION, SHMEDUMACATION, WHERE ARE MAH' BABIES DAMNIT?!
I got this one good uterus, and what is it doing right now? It is watching me “learn” and “get a graduate degree” and “work to make money” and you know what, it is damn tired of it. My uterus is like “Hey Kim, it’s you Uterus here, yeah I know, I didn’t expect me to have a southern accent either, but I do darlin! But guess what Kim? I’m here and I’m bored, so stop trying to use your ‘brain’ all the damn time and start usin’ me, your Uterus! Now if you don’t mind I got some ovaries to go have a lunch meeting with...”
My uterus is so damn sick of me using my “brain”. My brain gets wayyyyy overused on a daily basis, when in reality I would like to be using my vagina way more instead.