Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Why I Imagine My Roommate's Parents Having Sex and other lively events

My new roommate has a weird phenomenon going on in her life called, ‘her parents are still married’. It is very strange and I am not quite sure how to handle it. For instance, on holidays she only has 1 house to go home to, I mean, that’s just strange and no step-half-quarter-from-another-mother anything. Sometimes I just want to study her, if not purely for the fact that she has enjoyable boobs to stare at…but regardless … her parents, of which I will make up two names to protect the innocent, let us call them “Parah” and “Fike”. Well recently a lot of discussion has been turned towards how Parah and Fike keep up their relationship so well. We have concluded it must be the wild sex. Now whenever there is a lag in the conversation I like to say things like, ‘So you think Parah and Fike are getting it on, on the kitchen table right now?’ or ‘You think Parah and Fike are doing it doggy style over the ottoman?’ or my personal favorite ‘so you think Parah is taking it in the ass right now while watching QVC?’ This has become such a favorite pastime and topic of discussion that we have designated rooms that Parah and Fike must be getting it on in.

Not to mention Parah and Fike are never just having normal missionary style sex, no no, we (and when I say “we” I do mean “I”) like to imagine them in some sort of tantric position, one leg in the air, the other leg tied back with rope covered in cottage cheese or something, I’m just guessing, maybe lo-fat cottage cheese or the one with chives in it.
The only reason I have been able to keep up these sex talks for as long as I have is that fact that I have never met the alleged Parah and Fike in person. But I do imagine them to wear very sturdy Tevas with white socks and nothing else. Maybe Fike has some kind of beading in a long string of gray hair, possibly a tattoo of an eagle… I’m just thinking out loud here.