Monday, December 10, 2007

NY Post Dating Section (and other things equivalent to Jesus)

There are few things in life I enjoy with no restraint; things such as fresh lobster ravioli… baseball games on a warm fall day…steel-ball massages from a man named ‘Dragon’ in China Town…but the one that tops all my all time favorite activities has got to be reading the NY Post dating section. Every Monday morning I anticipate the blood bath that is about to occur when two seemingly nice individuals from New York get to rag all about their date in well known newspaper. Most of the time people try and be fairly kind to the other participant, knowing full well the synopsis will be printed a week later. This Monday morning however, opening the dating section was like discovering Santa on a snowy Christmas morning.. and this time Santa wasn’t even drunk and trying to hump my Susie-Talks-A-Lot-Doll… And “Santa” this week, will go by the name of “Seema”. This 23 year old girl not only unabashedly hip-checked her date in the paper but she also ran her hockey stick right up into his na├»ve ass...which is exactly the way the dating game should be played.

Another common fact about NY Post dating is that nine out of ten times the girl makes SOME remark about how hot the camera guy is that comes to take their picture. Who is this fellow? Why is he so debonair and charming? Most camera guys I know have a large stock investment in Black Lee Jeans and Champion sweatshirts with puffy paint on them.

But before I continue on into the artwork that is this week’s NY Post Dating, I shall begin with,
Her Story:
Robert was sweating generously when I arrived, which was flattering, since I assumed he was nervous to meet me, but also slightly alarming - dude, it's just dinner.
We began talking right away, and the waitress had to come by three times before we had a chance to look at the menu. However, I soon learned that Robert's a TMI kind of guy: Over the next 2 ½ hours, he used our date to discuss very personal details of his life, to the point of his mother's reproductive history - no joke. Sure, we bonded over similarities like the trials of having immigrant parents, but for the record, I now totally relate to men who gripe about women who talk too much - after a while, even your smile begins to hurt.
Robert was a really nice guy, and our conversation never stalled. However, this guy had an opinion on everything, and I felt as if I was a sounding board instead of an equal participant in the conversation.

If I ever see him on the street, I'll be sure to say hi. But to be honest, the person who I'm actually looking forward to running into is the Post cameraman - holler at me, Rich!

I actually quite enjoy that she used the word ‘Holl-ER’ instead of Holl’A’ I think it’s classy and respectful and shows Rich that she isn’t just in for the free camera cases.

In case you wanna read the whole thing: