Walking up my apartment's treacherous two flights of stairs last night with my roommate, I went on what can only be called a typical ‘Kim Tyrant’, or ‘Temper Tantrum’ for the Harvard graduates out there. I was yelling all the way up the stairs about something that has bothered me since the dawn of time, and that dawn of time clearly being October 29th, 1981 when I was born. Hello people, pay attention here.
“You know what just frosts my cookies!” I yelled at my roommate. “That us women have to go through years and years of ‘pretending’ to want to have a successful job when all I really want to do is just go make some babies.”
Now I know what you all are thinking, “But Kim, women are taking over the world, we are the largest growing demographic to not only get a college education, but a graduate education as well.”
Know what I say to that? EDUMAHCATION, SHMEDUMACATION, WHERE ARE MAH' BABIES DAMNIT?!
I got this one good uterus, and what is it doing right now? It is watching me “learn” and “get a graduate degree” and “work to make money” and you know what, it is damn tired of it. My uterus is like “Hey Kim, it’s you Uterus here, yeah I know, I didn’t expect me to have a southern accent either, but I do darlin! But guess what Kim? I’m here and I’m bored, so stop trying to use your ‘brain’ all the damn time and start usin’ me, your Uterus! Now if you don’t mind I got some ovaries to go have a lunch meeting with...”
(Apparently they like to eat at Mangia everyday, I know, who knew)
My uterus is so damn sick of me using my “brain”. My brain gets wayyyyy overused on a daily basis, when in reality I would like to be using my vagina way more instead.
My uterus is so damn sick of me using my “brain”. My brain gets wayyyyy overused on a daily basis, when in reality I would like to be using my vagina way more instead.
14 Cizz-omments:
Well, sometimes you have to listen to a talking uterus, as they say. At least it's not telling you to destroy things or stalk people.......is it?
I totally wish all women would follow your example. Vaginas are definitely not being used enough. It's a serious problem in the world. Ha.
I’m sorry did you say something about making babies? That’s what that uterus thingy is for? I thought is was there in case my liver decided to get up and walk away one day… my uterus doesn’t talk to me, but my liver sure does.
MsP
@Jarod, no it doesnt tell me to kill anyone, although if it did it would def be the slow walkers of the world and it wouldnt feel bad either
@ HA- yes, please go make sure your women are putting their vaginas to good use
MSPud- I think my liver has tried to talk to me a few times, but normally I just shut it up with Vodka
Damn, I like you!
I'd pop out babies in lieu of working all the time if it weren't for that getting super fat, gross, and painful labor part!!! Funny how your talking uterus omitted those parts of the discussion - it's smart.
@Lisa- why thank you!
@Model- my uterus knows nothing abotu this illeged "painful labor" you speak of...it told me I will get lots of nice drugs instead
My blog crush just went up like umpteen notches.
I think I have a solution to your problem....
Motar- dream girls like me do exist motar, we are just few and far between, next time tell your ladies you want them to be using less of their brain and more of their vagina, im telling you it will work everytime the ladies will LOVE it
[drops papers, leaves work, runs to bar to test theory]
.........
[winces]
no one fell for the "i want to use your vag" line? hmm strange...maybe try the girls at Hunts Point
In other news, my sister gave birth today. My facebook picture is now of me holding a baby. Ha; you write a post about wanting babies and I actually get to hold one.
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