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Tuesday, June 3, 2008

SLEEP…AND OTHER THINGS THAT ARE OVERRATED...



So as I laid awake last night, thinking about life, money, taxes, death, if those protesters for Barnum and Baileys really do give a damn about the elephants…I also wondered, “why am I laying here awake? Why can my body not realize it is finally time to rest? How come during those 3pm hours at work when I want to pass out with my highlighter and a post-it glued to my ass cannot I not recall that feeling right at this moment?”

A good friend of mine recently paid full price for a non-healthcare-covered sleep medication so she could finally spend some time with her pillow instead of with her eyes wide open. Another friend of mine had to finally get her boyfriend on sleep medication after he had missed the third happy hour party at McFaddens to get in a good five hour nap, since he was not sleeping at night.

I don’t know many things in life, but I do know one thing… if you are missing DRINKING, so you can sleep, then you need to go see some kind of medical person who carries thermometers immediately.

Why are none of us sleeping? Should our bodies not be programmed to sleep? Did not the Cavemen sleep? Were there restless cavemen in the days of Yore, or the time of Yesteryear? After lifting boulders all day, do you think Caveman #1 would lay awake at night thinking, “What if I can’t pay my dinosaur fees? What if I cannot afford to buy that new dinosaur? Will my Boulder credit go bad? “

Another friend of mine (yes, I know, I make up these “friend” people, really they are just random drunks I find on the street to answer my survey questions) actually takes time to get out of bed and take notes in a journal, which helps him fall back asleep afterwards.

Writing in a journal is the last thing I would do as mine would be more ill-consuming then the friggin Diary of Anne Frank…mainly consisting of scribbling about my Ex Boyfriend’s third nipple and how I am going to get out of my dental bill through magician trickery.

Is there anyone out there actually sleeping? Who is even getting a full eight hours? I hear when you have kids the first year you are lucky if you get four hours straight. Four hours?! Jesus Christ I got four hours under the bar stool last Saturday…what will I do then? I will have to Zoloft my baby up.


My baby’s first two words will be, “Xanax” and “Don’t wake Mommy when she is fucking sleeping”.






17 Cizz-omments:

Kat said...

i CAN never get any sleep...I resorted to taking Tylenol PM on a regular basis now...too much going on at work sometimes for me to clear my head at night!

NYCPonderings Chick said...

Yes, I resort to that too sometimes, along with 3..maybe 13 glasses of wine and that does the TRICK!

NYer said...

Babies and Zoloft sound like the new great thing! hahah!

Pepster said...

My problem is not only do I not want to sleep some nights, I don't even want to make it up at work the next day.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@pepster- how about during movies? I suggest Sex and The City...you could catch a snoozer..

MsPuddin said...

insomia is a bitch.

4 fours? after 3 and a half i would have propped you back up on your bar stool. drunk sleep is the best sleep though.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

i tried to sleep under a stool at sutton place (a midtown bar) once..and they asked me to leave...apparently they have a "no sleep" rule

Ha Ha Sound said...

I just sleep at work. It helps that I work for the MTA.

Anonymous said...

I feel bad for those who can't sleep... my body is pretty much ALWAYS ready for bed- so much so that my mom said i slept through the entire first night i was home from the hospital.
Wish I could help ya. Sweet dreams!

Jocular Schlemiel said...

I'm lucky if I get 6 straight. I can't even sleep in on the weekends. My body yells at me to get up.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@ haha- I just spit out my coffee...that was great

@anon- damn you anon! no one likes a happy sleeper!

@joc- eeek, weekends too? are you one of those people that is up at 7am on a saturday? God help your future wife...

The Flash said...

I don't know what your commute or exercise routine are like, but exercise helps a LOT with sleep; when you sit at a desk for 9-10 hours a day, you need some intense physical activity to get your body tired enough for good sleep. Means you either need a lazy boyfriend who makes you do all the work in bed, or you need a more regular workout routine.

surviving myself said...

Three nipples is never acceptable.

Never.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@ flash- are you trying to say I am out of shape and need to workout? my ass doesnt like you so much right now..

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@surviving.- hey if Chandler on Friends can have them...then so can my ex...3 is better than 2!

The Flash said...

NO! That came out wrong. I mean, I don't know, your picture looks cute. All I know is that when I started running in the mornings, I started sleeping better at night, and when work got too busy and I was at my desk until 10 PM, I stopped sleeping well. I was just, you know, tossing it out there. oh god. there's no recovering. I'm going to go wallow in guilt now.

modelbehavior said...

um - I think exercise is BS and should be avoided at all costs until you pop a baby out, at which point you'll be forced to exercise in order to just to look like your normal self again. Here's a strategy that works for me: go out partying every other night until 3 AM. On your nights off at home, you'll sleep better than a baby on Nyquil.