Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Just Another Jesus Post

I just recently returned back to civilization from a place many refer to as, "The New Jersey Shore" ...but I like to refer to it as "Vinny Put On Too Much Tanning Lotion Shore". In case you are unaware of the shore, my friend Colleen put it into perspective for me, she mentioned on our first day there , "My boyfriend Google'd Belmar just to see where we would be staying and the only thing that came up was pictures of guys on steroids in tight T-Shirts.." So he assumed we were either going to 'The Shore' or to a large Gay festival celebrating hard nipples and Tuna Fish sandwiches...and man oh man do I wish it was the latter...

If he isn't sexy, then I don't know what sexy is

I feel as though after spending my weekend covered in bronzer (side note- I love that spell check doesn't' even know that the fucking word Bronzer is..get with it spell check, get fucking with it!).. I really need to repent my sins...And you all know what "repenting my sins" means...

It is time for a Jesus Post!

This was me and Jesus playing at the Bronx Zoo..
those damn animals love him..

Praise Mary Magdalene Sweet Sally Jesse Rafael, yes, it is time to spend a short moment discussing the man of the moment, that's right. Jesus Christ. I feel like Jesus and I have many intimate conversations, mainly about important things in life such as my nephews being born or if Tasty Delight really is calorie free (Jesus is on the fence about it as well).

I’ve always wanted to have a celebrity as my best friend….like someone really cool and famous to be my best bud….a really good celebrity too…like Jesus.

I think Jesus would make an awesome best friend. And like we would do super cool things together like go shopping, I am thinking, Neiman Marcus? Although I hear he is more of a Bloomingdale's kinda guy.

For starters I would totally take him to get new sandals because I mean where did he get those ugly sandals anyways, Macy's or something? And we I would definitely take him to get him a new smock. The one he wears is put together so badly Like,what, they didn’t have sewing machines back then or something? Common.

Jesus and I could do cool best friend things too like get one of those "Best Friends Forever" necklaces.

Jesus could have the half of the heart that says "Best" and I could have the half of the heart that says "Friend".

The great thing about having a best friend like Jesus is the fact that you could get into any club you wanted. No more waiting in line at Marquee or Pink Elephant. People would be showing with friends like "Paris Hilton".. and I would be like "Ummm I am here with..JESUS CHRIST..."..And they would just let us right in.

9 Cizz-omments:

Kat said...

I always wanted one of the disciples as a best friend..less pressure to do good things in my life i guess

Anonymous said...

I don't know. I think having Jesus as a best friend could have some negative drawbacks. You're trying to get to the bar before happy hour ends and he's feeding the hungry and clothing the naked. I'd be all, like, "Hey Jesus, they don't serve half-priced mini tacos all day. Let's get a move on." But it'd be really cool if he could cure your hangover. That'd be awesome.

modelbehavior said...

I actually partied with a guy named Moses in the Hamptons this weekend and I wanted to yell all the time outside of clubs, "Yo I got Moses here and Jesus is on the way."

So I totally know how you feel.

surviving myself said...

Oh man. See, I wrote something very similar to this. Check it out.

I think you, Jesus and I should hang out for sure.

BNY said...

"Vinny Put On Too Much Tanning Lotion Shore"

I think that definition of the Jersey Shore is in Webster's Dictionary.

So@24 said...

I disagree. The best thing about being bffs4evs with Jesus is turning water into wine.

Anonymous said...

Jesus actually goes to the Jersey shore often I hear..

Anonymous said...

but tanning is out of the question...especially in those shoes..not good for sand i hear

NYCPonderings Chick said...

I think jesus could not only cure hangver, and turn your water into wine, but also get you into Pink Elephant without a damn cover charge!