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Friday, March 7, 2008

Sheknows.com Why Can't I Get A Date



SHEKNOWS.COM answer mysteries to life's most important questions:



Why can't I get a date?




YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
By Shanie Matthews:
You are fun, likeable, interesting, attractive, and uniquely you. So why is it hard to find a date?



Shanie, I would like to personally answer this one.

Dear- Whomever is lonely enough to write in to SheKnows.com …

Why is it so hard to find a date? I know what is running through your head and yes, the obvious choice does seem to be, answer #1- (small child raises hand) "Because Miss Ponderings ...I am not whoring myself out enough?"

Now I am sure you assume that to be the most obvious choice sweet child, however we all know children, 'assuming' only makes an Ass out of You and Me (class of children burst out laughing at the hil-ar-ious joke I make and smile at their incredibly attractive and all-knowing teacher) Now children, Miss Ponderings will tell you it is MOST LIKELY the answer you haven't thought of...answer #C- (small girl raises hand again) "ummmm... because I am annoying as shit?"

DING DING DING!

In fact I am sure all the above qualities are quite true about yourself and even more, you probably do charity work and appeal to the goodness of God and all things holy and maybe even deer and small animals run up to you on the street to sing some sort of melody with you…but when the rest of us look at you, or worse HEAR you talking to your friend on the subway, at say 7am when all I am trying to do is listen to my morning Ace Base I Saw the Sign to get pumped up for work, but instead all I can hear is your voice I do not wonder for two moments why you are single....and as I notice my earlobes starting to bleed from your high pitched tone, I want to rip those Prada sunglasses right off your face and scream, “Damnit woman! You don’t need sunglasses indoors. YOU. JUST. DON’T.”

5 Cizz-omments:

Kat said...

this explain so much into my single-ness....:)

NYCPonderings Chick said...

I know I know, I am only here to help

survivingmyself said...

hahaha - good stuff.

but on a serious note - "Don't Turn Around" is much better.

modelbehavior said...

She Knows or She Blows?
Sounds like this site's essentially both these things.

Anonymous said...

Good stuff.

-Myles
Massachusetts