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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

My New Apartment and Why Women Are Not Funny (so says vanity fair)

My friends have been nice enough to scour Craigslist personals to find me a new apartment …and am I ever grateful…

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/roo/595467916.html

100 female roomate wanted cheap rent
Reply to:
mailto:hous-595467916@craigslist.org?subject=$100%20female%20roomate%20wanted%20cheap%20rent%20

Date: 2008-03-04, 3:27PM
I'm a 25 year old medical school student. I spend most of my time in the library or in class. I love my school work however I spend alot of time in the school and unfortunately don't have the time that I would like to socialize or meet new people. My life is also a little boring and I have recently been looking for ways to spice it up/ I recently inherited a massive two bedroom apartment from my family at 65th and 3rd Ave and haven't had anyone to share it with for a few months now. What I am proposing might appear odd to some and I understand that but I would appreciate it if yo keep an open mind. As I own the place, I have no real need for any rent and so I am willing to rent out the second spacious bedroom for only $100 a month. I am looking for a young female roommate from 23 - 29 who would be willing to move in; the only requirement that I have is she wouldn't mind occasionally walking in her underwear around the apartment while doing mundane things such as cooking, laundry etc. I do not want nor expect any sexual favours, nor will i ask for any nudity or videotaping of any kind. As I said my life and job can be slightly boring and I would like to spice things up somewhat. If you are interested please e-mail me along with a picture, again the picture does not have to be pornographic in anyway just want an idea. I have also attached a picture of myself below for anyone who is interested. I'm on the right





Now for starters all I can say is…how could I possibly resist this kind of offer? I mean, let’s be real, I walk around naked in my apartment as is.. just waiting , hoping, praying some boy is watching through the windows afar…until of course I realize the only view from my windows is a fake outdoor patio that houses many pigeons…but I really think the pigeons are into it and I know some of the male pigeons over there would be more then willing to give me cheap housing for naked carousing.

I am also glad he specified that he was the one, "On the Right"...otherwise I NEVER would have responded to the ad.

My friends would like me to respond that I am a 300 lb girl from Queens who wears nothing but G Strings and a smile...although I have to disagree and say I would prefer to be 310 lbs and from Staten Island and wear nothing but undies made out of Hemp...but hey, that's just me.


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No I will say that APPARENTLY this article was written in 2007 and not in 2008 as I originally thought...but this article would make much more sense if it was written in 1907...and I don't even know if people knew how to write in 1907 or even if they knew what the word 'writing' was ..,.or even if there was the English language by then or if people just walked around making sounds like a monkey they presumed to be language...but I do know one thing....this article really FROSTED MY COOKIES:

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/01/hitchens200701



Why Women Aren't Funny

What makes the female so much deadlier than the male? With assists from Fran Lebowitz, Nora Ephron, and a recent Stanford-medical-school study, the author investigates the reasons for the humor gap.
by Christopher Hitchens January 2007

From the John Springer Collection/Corbis.
Be your gender what it may, you will certainly have heard the following from a female friend who is enumerating the charms of a new (male) squeeze: "He's really quite cute, and he's kind to my friends, and he knows all kinds of stuff, and he's so funny … " (If you yourself are a guy, and you know the man in question, you will often have said to yourself, "Funny? He wouldn't know a joke if it came served on a bed of lettuce with sauce béarnaise.") However, there is something that you absolutely never hear from a male friend who is hymning his latest (female) love interest: "She's a real honey, has a life of her own … [interlude for attributes that are none of your business] … and, man, does she ever make 'em laugh."
Now, why is this? Why is it the case?, I mean. Why are women, who have the whole male world at their mercy, not funny? Please do not pretend not to know what I am talking about.
All right—try it the other way (as the bishop said to the barmaid). Why are men, taken on average and as a whole, funnier than women? Well, for one thing, they had damn well better be. The chief task in life that a man has to perform is that of impressing the opposite sex, and Mother Nature (as we laughingly call her) is not so kind to men. In fact, she equips many fellows with very little armament for the struggle. An average man has just one, outside chance: he had better be able to make the lady laugh. Making them laugh has been one of the crucial preoccupations of my life. If you can stimulate her to laughter—I am talking about that real, out-loud, head-back, mouth-open-to-expose-the-full-horseshoe-of-lovely-teeth, involuntary, full, and deep-throated mirth; the kind that is accompanied by a shocked surprise and a slight (no, make that a loud) peal of delight—well, then, you have at least caused her to loosen up and to change her expression. I shall not elaborate further.
Women have no corresponding need to appeal to men in this way. They already appeal to men, if you catch my drift. Indeed, we now have all the joy of a scientific study, which illuminates the difference. At the Stanford University School of Medicine (a place, as it happens, where I once underwent an absolutely hilarious procedure with a sigmoidoscope), the grim-faced researchers showed 10 men and 10 women a sample of 70 black-and-white cartoons and got them to rate the gags on a "funniness scale." To annex for a moment the fall-about language of the report as it was summarized in Biotech Week:
This is not to say that women are humorless, or cannot make great wits and comedians. And if they did not operate on the humor wavelength, there would be scant point in half killing oneself in the attempt to make them writhe and scream (uproariously). Wit, after all, is the unfailing symptom of intelligence. Men will laugh at almost anything...
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And, oh yes, the article only gets worse...

25 Cizz-omments:

Jay said...

I saw that ad actually! and I was going to send it your way! great minds think alike!

NYer said...

the vanity fair thing was ridic..i guess they got thousands of commentors writing in about how horrible it was this guy would post such a thing...

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@Jay- yes I am going to apply for this ad..hey, who doesnt want cheap rent

@Nyer- this guy makes me mad enought to write in AGAIN over the 2007 article damnit!

modelbehavior said...

Women are funny, it's just that many aren't because it's a thankless jobs that garuntees you'll be unloved.

wait, what?

Frankly, Scarlett said...

Ive met Mr. Hitchens on several occasions and i PROMISE you the only time he's even REMOTELY amusing is after several sevarl cocktails.

Note that he's also trying to make up for the fact that he's a short, balding little brit wafting questionable bourbon scented body odor.

DCD said...

Come on...who doesn't walk around their apt in their underwear...this guy is just asking you or any other applicant to just act naturally...he should be applauded for his ability to be so down to earth...

Oh and if you ever wanted to know what I look like, that's me on the left...

GiveEmHellHarry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NYCPonderings Chick said...

@model-hahah touche
@FS- yes, i could not have said it better myself

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@dcd- thank god you are the guy on the left, i really did want to put a face to a name...and yes, everyone walks around in their underwear, common practice

MsPuddin said...

What about 307 lbs, from Jersey, wrapped in bubble wrap? Would the guy on the left have made a difference?

Crap! Since I have just learned that I “have no corresponding need to appeal to men in this way” (by being funny), my life therefore has no purpose and I must die.

So@24 said...

Seems like a great deal. What's the problem?

...

Oh. I see.

Ha Ha Sound said...

It's unfair that only women get offered cheap apartments in exchange for walking around naked. I'd totally do it. I'd even wax my back right in the kitchen if that'd seal the deal.

Miss Adventurous said...

I bet there are at least 10 men and 10 women who winced at the bad béarnaise joke. From that speculation, I'm willing to state that I have conclusive evidence of this dude's lack of wit. It is, after all, the unfailing symptom...

Jocular Schlemiel said...

I sorta noticed that the only funny chicks around are the ones that are plus sized...

Sarah Silverman? Not funny.
Kathy Griffin? Not that funny.

Big fat black chicks on BET late at night? Friggin' hysterical

Quarterlifegirl said...

Fuck that article, you are hilarious and I am pretty funny myself, hehe! Although Artie Lang once said " It's better to be a fat funny man than just a fat man" I think there is some truth to that, hehe.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@ms- same here..i have learned i now have no appeal to men and since this humor thing doesnt work I guess I will have to invest in some short skirts from now on..

@so- yes, maybe it is a great deal and we are underestimating..

@haha- mmm waxing your back? dont make yourself sound too delicious now!!

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@miss- yes, he could have at least been funny or witty himself!

@joc- what! no!..i know plenty of cute non-fat girls who can ham it up better then most guys...do you want names and numbers my friend?

@quarter- ahhh very true...i prefer funny guys...to well, just plain men...

JanelleGrace said...

You can live in the second living room part of my apartment for $100 as long as you will cook and clean and keep you clothes on. :)

NYCPonderings Chick said...

damnit janelle! I am sick of this whole 'keep your clothes on' attitude you have going here...if NYCP Chick wants to walk around in her underwear, then damnit that is what I am going to do! underwear shumunderwear!

seriously...umm wait...how MUCH cooking and cleaning are we talking?

survivingmyself said...

that ad is fucking ridiculous.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

SurVivMy- its ok to just admit that you posted it...no one is going to shame you into it...but I think honesty is always the best approach...

JanelleGrace said...

Sorry, if it was just me, walking around in underwear would be just fine but I wouldn't want my boyfriend getting any ideas.

And you know, just making us dinner every night, packing some lunches for work, breakfast on one weekend day (cause I would still have to make my legendary Swedish pancakes), and maybe making a cake every other week.

And you would have to do the grocery shopping cause I hate it.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

Janelle, this might work...there are only a few complications...I tend to not cook, nor grocery shop..and I love to hit on other people's boyfriends...but other than that it's clear skies! ..maybe I could hire us a maid

JanelleGrace said...

Well, we have to talk.

I don't think this is working out. I still care for you and I think you are great but we can't have this arrangement.

I'm sorry. I hope you find someone else.

:)

just me said...

Funny...

I can now think of two men I'd like to punch in the balls.