Sunday, February 10, 2008

The Art of the Free Drink

Look at Jim here, he already got laid twice because of this article.

Oh the timeless art of buying a girl a drink. As ex-roommie and I sometimes joke, we can go out on the town with five dollars in our pockets and come home with twenty-five...oh wait, hmm, maybe that was a stripper joke I heard at Scores...regardless I think it still applies... It is the only advantage to being a women sometimes, besides being able to lactate, which I hear is extremely handy in providing nourishment to 'babies'... that can't be proven though, unlike my five-dollar theory, which is scientifically proven to be true.

Drink-buying, however, is also a much disputed over topic between men and women. I know plenty of men out there who actually refuse to buy a woman they don't know any drinks at a bar and will go out of their way to avoid the drink-buying game. I debated this question with a guy friend over the phone once;

“It is considered good manners to offer a girl a drink if you plan on chatting with her for the rest of the night, or if you are getting a drink for yourself,” I reasoned.

”Kim,” he said. “Buying random girls drinks is for sad, pathetic men who can’t get a girl anyway.”

“So you wouldn’t buy me a drink?”

“This is 2008 and women have have jobs now.”

“But my job doesn’t pay as much as your job does.”

“Well, then maybe you need to get a new job.”

Fuck me.

So why can’t we have jobs and get our free drinks too?

Not only is buying a woman drinks an art form, but actually avoiding the person who bought you the drink afterwards is, I believe, the true art. I tend to be polite, try and stay and chat for as long as I think the drink is worth it.. then I make some excuse about having to get back home to my sister who is recovering from a bad case of the black plague (Hey, I hear it's coming back around again).

Below is an approximation Chart of Chat which equates time needed to spend chatting - in ratio to actual drink brought.


Beer on Tap - 0 minute-Why the fuck would you chat with this poor bastard? Why don't you just suggest to him you go to the local 7-11 and grab a 40 and call it a night in his mom's basement apartment...and I hear M*A*S*H is on repeat at 12:30am.

Pabst...because it's 4am and the girl has an overbite

Bottled Beer -5 minutes- Deserves a few minutes of small chat about the Knicks or Play Station, (essentially stuff you know little about and therefore can contribute little to the overall conversation).

Mixed Drink -9 minutes- Whoa ladies, watch out, we got a high rolla here. Goldman Saks here we come. This is also the maximum amount of time allotted to scam this Wingnut into buying drinks for all of your friends.

Wine -10 minutes- Don’t ask me why he gets one more minute, not everything in the universe makes sense. Although, minus two minutes if the wine was a house Pinot Grigio.

Frozen Drink -N/A- Normal guys don't buy this shit, unless they are your boyfriend ..or own Tevas.

I don't have enough time in the universe to comment on what is wrong with Tevas

16 Cizz-omments:

Ha Ha Sound said...

You forgot what to do if he buys you a Diet Coke: call his parents, and tell them that he's stayed out past his curfew.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@haha-ahh DO you know my ex boyfriend?

Katt said...

there is also some authority in buying a girl a shot...or buying her friends an entire round of shots, then you are just a show off

NYCPonderings Chick said...

shots confuse me because its def two drinks in one because i always need a chaser

Jocular Schlemiel said...

I knew a chick that refused to accept drinks from guys that she wasn't interested in chatting with.

It isn't mean; more like honest. Maybe more chicks should be this honest.

"Sorry, I don't want you to buy me a drink because I'm not interested in chatting with you."

Then again, how would we be able to give you the roofie coolatta if you didn't accept the drink?

I will ponder this.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

hmm that is a good pondering Joc...I dont know, my friend is pretty honest, she just doesnt accept them...but yes, i like myself a roofie every now and then as well..

The Brooklyn Boy said...

I'm entrenched firmly in the "no buying drinks to open on randoms" camp because -- joking or not -- girls entertain ideas like the minutes:drink ratio. One's game should be initially successful based on force of personality alone, not some archaic, pay-for-play method. I've actually ended up with women paying my entire tab the first time we meet.

However, I am liberal with the spending when it comes to ladyfriends I'm familiar with, particularly if I know I make more bank than they do.

So yeah, that's my two cents on this one. Ponder that, ha. ;)

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@BB-I totally agree BB...I actually know a guy who went out with some girl to dinner and she was putting 12-bucks-a-shot drinks on his tab...ordered 6 or 7 of them...then when the bill came he left it right there on the table for her, and left the bar...she apparently flipped out and ended up having to pay the 80 or so tab all herself...pretty sweet on his end

The Brooklyn Boy said...

Ha. That dude might be my hero. Well played. Let him know the next time you say hi.

NYCPonderings Chick said...


NYCPonderings Chick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
modelbehavior said...

Men have to buy us drinks becuase we have to spend A LOT more money on clothes, hair removal and make up. So all the finances even out! Ha!

LisaBinDaCity said...

Your friend is wrong - they NEED to buy us drinks to get our attention ;-)

The UnaDater said...

I think it is post like this that created me!!!

The UnaDater said...

and speak for yourself Model....

Men can not get away with cheap clothes... our clothes are way more expensive...

I will buy you a drink and many after once you go out with me, but never at a bar when I attempting to get your number.

ZenDenizen said...

I'm down with the "I don't accept drinks from guys I'm not interested in" policy. My big pet peeve are guys who forcefully offer to pay for everything even when a girl offers to contribute and then complain about women being cheap the next day.