Monday, November 5, 2007

When? Where? Why? And Because I Said So!

-When did they decide to let Hillary run for office? Women can’t run for office! They get menstruation! I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation. And well, that is just great, you hear that? Bears. Now you're putting the White House and presumably the whole country in jeopardy!

-Where did polyester go? What happened to that nice itchy fiber that shirts and some well priced slacks used to be made out of? I want to go to a nightclub, see some Latin person dancing and walk over like I know what I’m doing on the dance-floor because, hey, I am wearing polyester. And maybe this Latin guy doesn’t really want to dance with me just because of this synthetic fiber I am wearing. Maybe he hasn’t answered any of my calls, or respond to any of my letters, or even to the candy-gram…and God only knows what happened to the kitten I got for him…cause he definitely didn't keep it, and I know for sure I am not raising the goddamn thing.

-Why do women want to date guys who have experience? Why aren’t women going after guys who have never had any experience with a woman before, whose closest experience was the one time his dentist leaned so far over her chair that her boob almost knocked him in the face and he went home and told all his friends he got to second base during a root canal? I think all girls should want to have sex with virgins... I think a guy’s first time might be his best time too. You think that too right? Don’t you? Well I knew it… you know what? I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that you would want to lead him through his first sexual encounter will all the compassion and care that someone would give to their soulmate.

-Because I said so! I already mentioned on numerous occasions that I may not be the marrying type! Can't you understand! Do we all have to settle down? I don’t even like the phrase settling down. I don’t want to settle and especially not down. But then here comes all these boys who are wondering what I am doing for the rest of my life. Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? The biggest problem in marriage is that he wants me around. And I can't even accept that? I don't think I can accept pure love. Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond… only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.

12 Cizz-omments:

modelbehavior said...

One of my best girl friend's went through a stage where she loved de-virginizing boys because it meant these boys would always remember her.

Everyone remembers their first.

It's like being immortalized.

Jay said...

You left out Knocked Up's "she got her period on my pants"

MsPuddin said...

Hilary is in the lead for winning for the Democratic Party as of now. I wonder if she makes it into office who she will have an affair with? Obama?

Yeah marriage does not sound fun. I mean could you imagine waking up next to the same person for the rest of your life? Like oh no, it’s you again. Damn it.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@Model- this is very true, good point lady!
@Jay- touche
@MSP- ohhhh Obama and Hillary would be some good People Magazine kinda gossip

Ha Ha Sound said...

I don't get why a woman would want to be with an inexperienced guy or during his first time. Most men last about 30 seconds during their first time.

Quarterlifegirl said...

I took a guys virginity in college and dated him for 4 years! If you have a little patience you can make them into the perfect lover for you and they are always open for suggestions and have no bad habits, hehehe!

GiveEmHellHarry said...

What if you had the chance to marry a polyester wearing, Latin virgin who worked in the Hillary Clinton White House? Would that tear a hole in the universe?

So@24 said...

No one believed me that bears would be the downfall of this country.

I'm glad to see we're on the same page.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@haha- MMmm 30 seconds, don't tease a girl

@Quarter- I love a guy open for new directions and suggestions!

@Harry- i think the world might actually impode then...but if you can find one, let me know!

@SO- Bears are going to ruin the country, someone needs to stop them immediately

LisaBinDaCity said...

Are you talking about grizzly bears or gay, furry bears?

Never mind ;-)

Jarod said...

The solution is simple - Ron Burgundy for President.
And yes, the term "settling down" makes me nauseous. Settle where, exactly? And why is it "down"...How about "settle sideways"? Or "settle obtusely"

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@Lisa- gay bears lisa, very gay7 bears who attack us and then try and dress us
@Jarod- I think you and I should go settle Left, or maybe settle right, or settle