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Monday, November 19, 2007

Bad Dates and Good Advice

So I get emails from readers regarding things they have seen, heard or done that reminds them of me. Normally these emails I receive consist of bad-date stories, random musings and penis enlargements… As far as the last topic goes all I have to say is; HotAss69, how DO you know me so well?

One of the emails I received last week is from an avid reader of mine out of the great country of Los Angeles. She recently had a friend visit NY and sent her this email upon return. She then forwarded the email on to me, because, like I have always said before, when you think of horrible drunken nights and sexual embarrassment, I do hope you think of ME.

Email Below:

My sister was in New York a week or so ago and met this guy at some bar. They really seemed to hit it off, he works in some health-related field and graduated from Hopkins and my sister is attending Hopkins right now for her Masters in Public Health. They talk a lot and end up meeting the next night for dinner. He of course tries to get her to come back to his place. She says no, she really has to get back to her friend's house she's staying at in Hoboken. He asks if he can take the subway with her to Hoboken? She responds by saying this makes no sense. He then says, ‘what about a cab?’ Of course this makes even less sense, but he decides to take a cab with her to Hoboken to drop her off. During the cab ride, he whips it out and says, "Just a little kiss?" My sister responds, “You think I am giving you a blow job in a cab on my way to New Jersey? I don't think so!”

My response to the email above:

First off, let me start by saying I think it is rude, embarrassing, disgusting and gross…..that your sister did not give up the goods! I mean, did he not buy your sister dinner? Did he not sit and listen to her chat on and on about things like “her education” all night? Dinner is a lot. He must get something for that right? There are rules here and expectations to abide by. Questions I need to know the answer to might be- How much was the dinner? Was there any type of wine bought at dinner? Was it bought by bottle or by glass? For every ten dollars spent I believe one item of clothing does need to be removed. It is listed in some contract somewhere. You can start with socks. And once you get in the actual cab with a boy there is no turning back, you might as well throw all your clothes off now you whore and say goodbye to those dreams of ever working as head Sister Sally at the Mormon church in Utah because you are well on your way to a life of sin… and by a “life of sin” I do mean, “an apartment in Murray Hill”.

11 Cizz-omments:

MsPuddin said...

Wow! You give really good advice. So on my next date I’ll be sure to give up the panties and dress like a slut. Shit I might even skip the panties. I look forward to a cab ride to jersey!

So@24 said...

Both stories are great!

But I guess the real question on everyone's mind is...

"NYC, are you free this weekend?"

Jay said...

and more so did he actually pay for the cab ride too

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@MSP- when you come to NYC its the usual
@So- I see how your devious mind works...
@J- he would have gotten a whole lot more if he paid for the cab too!

Mortarbored said...

Can you share this advice with the girl I spent $236 on Friday night?

Ha Ha Sound said...

I agree with you, NYCP. In fact, I expect that so much as holding the door open for a women or even letting her go ahead of me in the checkout line at the local supermarket means that she should reciprocate with sexual favors. Some people just don't have any manners anymore.

elyse the portuguese said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
elyse the portuguese said...

mortar: just a little kiss?
me: has that worked before? thats what i want to know
me: or was he trying it on for size
mortar: lol
mortar: 89th times a charm!

modelbehavior said...

"once you get in the actual cab with a boy there is no turning back"

so so so true.

you're a sex life yoda!

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@mortar- where is she? I will go find her and let her know all about the rules and the expectations
@haha- Yes, agreeded on the supermarket theory, and the boy should get extra goods if he lets a girl cut in line
@elyse- SO TRUE! why would he even bother with that question? I dont get it, that line couldn't have worked before...actually, knowing some of my friends, it just might have
@Model- do you think I should rename the entire blog that? Sex Life Yoda? It might just work

The Bee said...

NYC I don't know you well enough yet to know if you're joking, but Haha, your comment is brilliant.