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Tuesday, October 9, 2007

I am Getting Old, I Might Die Soon

The last time I visited a well known WJ, or whore-joint as it is known to the Bible followers, I was halfway through my Corona when I looked around and thought, “Wow, I look pretty…mature…for this crowd.” Every girl in there was wearing her sorority t-shirt and daring her Delta-Gamma-UV-Ray sisters to hop on the bar with her to perform that dance routine they learned to Christina Agulera’s Diiirty. All I could think was, “You will never be able to dance in those shoes! You need good comfort shoes… with insoles like mine! And why are your jeans so tight! Those are some damn tight jeans ladies!”

When did I get old? When did this happen? It was like one day I was dancing on the bar drinking Malibu Baybreezes and the next minute I am in Aerosols shoe store going, “Do these brown sneakers come with support insoles?”
In Case you were wondering how I pick up all the men...
I turn 26 in two weeks and I have to say I have taken stock in my life, separated things that matter and don’t matter…for instance:

Things that Matter- Men that know what a UTI is and how to proceed with caution.
Things that Don’t Matter- Body Glitter.

See how I carefully sorted out the meaning in life right there? I realize in my 26 years on this planet I have learned a few things I would like to pass on to my children, or to someone else’s children like maybe some random grocery store children. Things like, how to use a counter top overhang to open a beer bottle or how to take a really good MySpace picture of yourself. And one day, one of those grocery store kids will look back and think … “Damn…that lady was hot.” And then I will know I have done my job.

9 Cizz-omments:

Quarterlifegirl said...

Hahaha, want to remember something even worse? Remember when you were in high school and you thought 30 was sooooo old! I am now 26 and I still feel like a kid, but people around me for some reason believe I am an adult!

MsPuddin said...

When you die, can I have those shoes?

Taking a really good MS pic requires tequila, a digital and drunk friends...

NYCPonderings Chick said...

Quarter- ok way to really depress me woman, seriously it is bad, I think we are supposed to have 'lives' by the time we are 30, or something like that, so we better start workin on that now!

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@MS- the shoes are ALL YOURS chicabean..and yes, I agree with the MS pic idea

modelbehavior said...

"Things that Matter- Men that know what a UTI is and how to proceed with caution.
Things that Don’t Matter- Body Glitter."

Gaaahahaha. I hope I reach levels of wisdom like this when I'm 26.

PS I've started bringing flipflops out with me every night and changing out of heels at 2.30 am - so I'm so with you on the comfy shoes thing.

Ha Ha Sound said...

You could always kill two birds with one stone and just kidnap some grocery store children. If you steal some that are at least 4 years old, you won't have to change any diapers, either.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@Model-yes flip flops!!! im stil trying to work on the idea of a show that has a collapsable heel for the end of the night!

@HAHA- you are so right, 4 years old is a perfect age, I dont have to teach them anything right? Like they can cook their own food by then and what not?

Mortarbored said...

You should rename your blog "Aspiring MILF" before it's too late.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

that is my dream mortar, that is my dream