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Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Judgy Wudgy Was A Bear

“He is a party-boy.” She said, staring at me from across the couch, running her blonde hair through her fingers.

“How do you know that?” I asked. “You just met him last night… he seemed fairly normal at the bar.”

Blondie: “Because I facebook’d him. I saw his pictures.”

Me: “Why did you have to do that, it just ruins it.”

Blondie: “I know, but when I saw the pictures, he was just drunk in every one of them.”

But isn’t that what Facebook photos are all about? If not to make people think we have better lives then we actually do, then what?

I was hoping that this “fake online life” craze had ended when MySpace started to go downhill. As one of my good friends put it, not switching to Facebook and staying with MySpace was like, “being the last one at that late night bar, where you are mid-dancing with your drink up in the air and suddenly you look around and realize that everyone has left.”

I know that whatever you put in your online Facebook or MySpace profile, is not the real you, but more an exaggerated, better looking version of you. If we all judged each other based on our online profiles you would think most of us had taken up residence at some Cancun foam party.

It is not as though Facebook or MySpace captures the “real” moments of my life. Moments when I am sitting at home reading- “Single Women Who Cry Every Night” -while clipping my snaggle-toe nail.

In fact I am fairly certain this boy’s drunken photos are simply a cover up for some kind of childhood abuse (I like to think positively). ..Or, as I assertively told her, to make up for, “his small penis”.

She claimed she hadn’t seen to yet to judge. That is rubbish.

Drunk frat photos are code for an alcoholic mother.

Similarly, drunk sorority photos imply abusive daddy issues.

I told her not to judge a book by its cover. And I meant it too, because this kid is hot, and who needs personality when your cover looks like Dean McDermott? No one. Not one damn person.

If she could eliminate boys now based on facebook, what is next? People eliminating each other based on some type of online “dating” site where they are forced to post pictures, bio information and whether they're single or divorced or what not? …. That sounds like crazy year 3000 talk. We are not that advanced here.

I myself, don’t go for all that online stuff. I like to judge people the old fashioned way. …by how much money they have.




ONLINE FACEBOOK PHOTOS THAT
MAKE US BELIEVE YOUR LIFE IS ACTUALLY COOL:
THIS IS NOT YOU

THIS IS ALSO ..NOT YOU
UMM..NOT YOU
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DANCE WHO ARE YOU KIDDING WITH THIS ONE..NOT YOU
DEFINITELY NOT YOU
NOPE, NOT YOU
OK, THIS IS YOU, HERE WE GO

14 Cizz-omments:

~Kat said...

I actually just got on facebook and it is funny to see how much time i spend already just staring at other people's photos. Remember when OPP used to stand for something else??

BNY said...

Ahem. I am guilty of facebook stalking. Sigh.

Hilarious post. Well done.

ZenDenizen said...

Brilliant, as always.

Rolando Niccole said...

McCain should have picked you as his running mate...

sid said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sid said...

i guess fat people are never part of the kewl crowd.

Jocular Schlemiel said...

Actually, the second to last pic could be us because to chick all the way to the left still has braces (or really bad cavities, which also means it could be us)

Cunning_Linguist said...

If we all showed the real us, society as a whole would have to admit that we are not perfectly airbrushed and back-lit to perfection.

*rubs his taco-bell grown belly* frig it, I am who I am. Take it or leave it.

Ladybug said...

I never did get into MySpace or Facebook, I always felt like if I wanted to stay in touch with these people I already would. Maybe that is just an old person way of thinking though ;(

Subway Gal said...

That's a brilliant theory about people posting pics to make their lives look better than they are.

I used to have tons of photos myself during drunken nights at the bar that I don't remember or of me crying in the bathroom, or flashing a passing car, or well, you get the point. Anyway, flash forward to now - four years after college and two years after dating the same guy - and my photos are of me and my family. Or me and my boyfriend watching TV. Or of my cats. This is why I don't post any new pictures on Facebook or MySpace as frequently as I used to - it kinda makes me depressed.

T.P. said...

are you mocking my entire FB page??

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@kat- ha, other people's photos, yes, it is a new term..

@bny- arent we all though? is that not what it is there for?

@zen- why thank you!

@Roland- YES YOU HAVE A GREAT MIND...

@SID- oh they are, the only thing it takes to be in the kewl crowd is a 'tude

@Joc- I love how I stil get cavities into my late 20's...why cant they just fill up all our teeth and be done with it?

@cun- mmmm i love taco bellies...

@lady- well then get on it lady!

@sub- aww actually, i think that is kinda sweet and touching, your life has changed in a good way

@tp- umm, essentially, yes

Jocular Schlemiel said...

They used to fill up teeth...in Britain. If you had a little cavity, instead of drilling a little bit and filling, they would basically hollow out your whole tooth.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

hmm, maybe i should move there...I just need all fake teeth, so I can eat sugar and sit around at night and not brush my teeth..