Tuesday, September 16, 2008

But you are

Sometimes being a writer is not so galmourous…the late nights alone on a laptop... the spilling of Doritos crumbs on a keyboard…the prostitution...

But sometimes, being a writer can be fabulous…such as seeing people in magazine stores reading your column…getting invited to celebrity events…. prostitution...

Monday happened to be one of those fabulous days, a day wherein a picture was taken of me for my column. And the picture was taken by a real photographer... with a real camera ...and a set and a little person who got them water. It was all very futuristic.

But I realized, that beyond my 5ft 2 demeanor…there are actually other reasons why I could and would not ever be a model.

Now I know what you are thinking, “But Kim…models get free coke!”…and dear sweet children, I know I know. In fact when the photographer asked me about photoshopping after I asked if he could get rid of my track marks. He seemed to laugh…slightly..but maybe it was more of a nervous laugh. Although I figured he must be used to getting rid of track marks all the time.

Let me get into the grit; the problem with modeling. The problem with modeling is that people tell you you are beautiful, even when you are not.

It aint all Tyra Banks screaming in your face , "I said, smile with your eyes...with YOUR EYES!..."

I was standing there, water in hand, the makeup artist staring at me. “You like, yes?” she said.

I stared at my face in the mirror, close to naked. “Umm..maybe I need a bit more shadow? I don’t really have on a lot of makeup…”

Makeup Girl- “No no, you are beautiful, you look great, you don’t need anymore, you are beautiful.”

Me – “Um ok…Well, maybe my hair should be a bit more straightened in the back and not parted directly across my face.”

Hair Girl- “No no, you look great, you look beautiful. Leave your hair as is!”

Me- “Umm ok…well maybe I shouldn’t be posing next to this 15 foot reptile covered in peanut butter ...”

Photographer -“No no you are beautiful, just stand there in the lizard’s mouth and smile…”

Well ok, so maybe there wasn't EXACTLY a lizard in the shoot…but seriously, when did people ignoring my concerns become ok as long as I was complimented?

It doesn’t work like this in reality!

Me- “Well maybe my we should double check that lump in my breast because I think that…”

Doc –“No no, you are beautiful! Who needs tests? You look great!”

This must be the problem with all models and actors. They are being lied to on a consistent basis. I enjoy being lied to as much as the next woman, but this was a little much, sometimes when I need more damn eyeshadow all I am really asking for…is more damn eyeshadow.

12 Cizz-omments:

Cunning_Linguist said...

I love the way your nose crinkles when you proof-read your own posts. So sexy. Maybe you have to toot, I dunno.

Just watch yourself on the whole model thing. It's all fun and games until somebody crawls out of the alleyway and the pants are dragging around thier ankles. Then again, I hear that's how Annie Liebowitz gets all of her good shots anyways. *shrug*

Makeup Girl®™©™ said...


Sometimes we just don't carry THAT much eye shadow.

Lioux said...

Supermodeling's not easy, Kim.

Especially if your eyes have crooked teeth.

Kat said...

I sometimes feel like they get so used to doing that with one model they start doing it to they probably walk around the grocery store doing that to the meat slicers!

Subway Gal said...

This made me laugh so hard it brought tears to my eyes.

Anyway, now I can understand why models are such divas (Tyra) and irrational lunatics (Naomi). And I love being complimented too, though for some weird reason I get really excited when the woman who serves me my coffee in the morning from the cart she works in with her husband tells me I'm skinny, but when my boyfriend says it I tell him to shut up (do other people do that too?).

Wait, where was I? Oh yea, I love being complimented too, but only when it's truly deserved. I mean, don't compliment me when I wake up in the morning because I know you're lying (boyfriend) and don't compliment me if I look like a clown with the ten pounds of makeup you just put on me! (free makeover lady)

sid said...

Constantly complimented? God that must be so nice.

modelbehavior said...

Yep - compliments and lies. But you're photos look great btw!

NYCPonderings Chick said...


the photoeditor contacted me about which photo I want to use for the magazine and I said I wasnt sure which one looked good..and he says (this is not a joke) "Kim they ALL look beautiful!"

...Seriously will the drugs wear off soon??

surviving myself said...

You made that Update up, didn't you?

NYCPonderings Chick said...


MsPuddin said...

If you do enough coke you will be more worried about covering up the dark circle under your eyes than your actual lids on top...

ZenDenizen said...

Just based on the Derek photo in my google reader, I knew I was going to like this post.

What the heck are track marks???