Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Lyrics, Love, Life, Words of Wisdom from Musical Greats

Ever since Jewel made her first appearance on Rolling Stone in 1997, I became obsessed with female artists. I remember staring at that cover for hours. She was just so pretty. And smart. And she had boobs. Was the world going to implode?

And I was obsessed with everything Jewel until of course the first time Kurt Loader decided to shove one up that pretty little ass of hers and call her out during an interview. Kurt Loder questioned her use of “casualties” in her lyrics and Jewel essentially went on to explain her own definition of ‘causalities’ when Kurt Loder remarked that it was used incorrectly and casualties actually means someone 'wounded in battle'. I believe Jewel's definition had something to do with being casual in Alaska and wearing a bearskin rug or something.

After Loder called her out, Jewel then in turn, did what any folk singer might do and turned to Kurt and called him an ass.

Ah, the beautiful depths of journalism.

And while I did agree he was being an ass, as this was MTV , which means the WORLD was watching it…another part of me just thought Jewel was a fucking idiot and I soon tallied up her intelligence to that of a Ham Sandwich.

In later years I have come to realize I really do love her song lyrics and frankly, I don’t think I would care if I found out most of them were written in gibberish and consisted of lines such as “la de dum, pirates in my vodka rum"...frankly I wouldn't give two shits, because I love her.

And you know who else I love? And I am not even ashamed to say it either? Christina Aguilera.

Yeah, that’s right , I love her, I have loved her ever since her first album came out and she wore a beaded orange and blue tank top.

And then life got better when I bought…yes I will repeat..BOUGHT, her album and I heard “Love Will Find a Way” for the first time.

I would equate it to what most people feel when they see their newborn child for the first time.

I remember thinking what intricate and deeply sentimental lyrics these are. Who could possibly come up with such lyrics? She must be some sort of Harvard genius... with a really good JOB or something.

I don’t even know.

But to prove it I have decided to copy the lyrics below, so you can see what a true lyrical genius this Miss Aguilera is:

Christina- Love Will Find A Way

No one ever said that love was gonna be easy

How DOES she know?!

Gotta take the ups and downs the in-betweens

Yes! The Inbetweens, how did she think of that, it isn’t JUST the ups and downs, its ALSO the INBetweens too!

If you take this journey Gotta give yourself completely Never let nobody ever step on a dream

Fuck! She is so right. I wont let ANYONE step on my dream! I will put my dream on a shelf so high you wouldn’t be able to step on it! Unless you had some really big fucking ladder or something and could climb up there.

No the rain wont last forever Find a way to make it better Long as we can stand together Love will find a way

Wow, I get chills, the same kind of chills I get whenever I watch the Lion King and they lift the new cub above the old man’s head and play, 'Circle of Life’.

Gonna make a new tomorrow Say good-bye to tears and sorrow Better listen when I say Love will find a way

I want to say goodbye to tears and sorrow! How do I do that Christina? HOW?! God she is a genius!

Somebody tried to tell me love don't last forever

Shit! Someone tried to tell me that too! I think it was my Dad...

Said it only happens in your wildest dreams After all is said and done We're still here together Never listen to the lies and jealousy
You better stop

Ok I stopped.

Don't you let them turn you around
Ok, I will swivel a little bit back to my left...

You better stop

um, I just stopped...

Hang onto this love that we've found

Do you have some sort of hard rubbery glove or something I can use to hold it down with? I mean I just put cream on my hands so they might be a bit slippery.

Nothing that they say can ever stand in our way.

If that song doesn't give you chills then I don't know what would.
Maybe Billy Joel's We Didn't Start The Fire would be next on my list, but frankly , that songs contains way too many words with more then two syllables.

12 Cizz-omments:

So@24 said...

Her hands are small.

I know.

Michael said...

I think Kurt Loder was brilliant, especially when it came to calling people out on their BS. What ever happened to him?

I remember one time, he was doing a report on The Verve getting sued for using too much of Rolling Stone song in "Bittersweet Symphony" and some hip-hop band getting sued by Steely Dan for oversampling.

Loder said (totally deadpan, which made it even funnier), "If this keeps up, bands are actually going to have start writing their own music."

Priceless. :)

Cunning_Linguist said...

Go read Bat Chain Puller. You'll have newfound respct for 'ol Kurt there.

Call me crazy, but Loder and Colbert. How awesome of a sitcom would that be. Throw in a little Steve Carell and you have comedy gold I tell you.

Jocular Schlemiel said...


Pretty, had boobs, and when she sang, you could see her snaggletooth

Anonymous said...

I have been trying to figure out the meaning to we didnt start the fire, FOREVER!

Subway Gal said...

Actually, Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young" should come next because this song is just sooooooo right! It really is only the good who die young, so we need to be bad and rebel and live life the way Billy intended it to be lived! Also, this is one of the rare songs that can be sung drunk or sober without feeling embarrassed because it's just that good.

Kat said...

I actually think if you had posted this christina song from youtube so people could listen to it, it would make it even more enjoyable, it is one seriously bad sone lyrically! ha!

sid said...

I love Christina ...

MsPuddin said...

man i missed that whole kurt loder episode, i was too focused on what people were saying about her fcked up teeth.

and when you say you love jewel, does this mean that you have a poster of her hanging on your wall and in high school you used to eat chocolate to her?

i <3 that genie in a bottle.

Lioux said...


: O

Sister Kisser®™©™ is a female fronted band.

And Kurt Loder can be such a harpist.

I mean that in a 'harping, annoying and condescending' way. Not the 'classically trained harp player' or 'golden ale drinking' senses of the word.

modelbehavior said...

Billy Joel. LOVE. Do a lyric decipher program with his lyrics! Pleaaasee!

NYCPonderings Chick said...

Ok I am BEYOND lazy today and clearly am being an ass by responding to all of your comments with just one comment from me...but here yes Kurt Loder is/was amazing and I wish he was still doing those rocker specials...but I also wish MTV was still about Music and Rockers, but its not anymore really...but I would def go try and download that interview if you can , its something to see..I think MTV Overdrive has it...