SELFABSORBED.ME

That is what I look when I step inside my makeup bag as well, I even wear glitter bathing suit...it's like, my thing now, it's how I roll


So I dont know if anyone else received Sephora updates in their mailbox (I know Papa Dukes does for sho), but I have to say this time I around I was so intrigued by the message. Namely because the headline in my email box was, "Hello Sunshine!". And that is normally how you get my attention, mostly because I assume you are going to be selling me a penis enlarger, which I so desperately need ...thank you DickyCHen69 for that one!


Upon opening the email I had a flashback to being a little kid and staring at the sex articles in Cosmo magazine, where I knew ONE DAY I was going to wake up and be that perfect woman who read sex articles and wore musk....funny, I am still waiting for that to happen...but I digress;


I would like to introduce YOU SUNSHINE...to the Sephora Catalogue photos!




Now I don’t know about you but this is something I do on any given day…hang out in my 1952 bathing suit looking surprised. What is she so surprised about? The fact that she is the exact same size as that bottle of mystic tan sitting next to her? I mean I know models keep getting smaller, but damn. Maybe she is on that new liquid diet? Or the tape worm-thing. I hear that is all the rage now. People ask me sometimes why I am on the tape worm diet and I tell ya, because I want to be the size of a damn tanning bottle, that's why Mary Magdalene, THAT'S
WHY!




What is she looking so secretive over? The fact that she has 24 colors all in one? Well let me tell you, my Aunt Sally has one of these things, except her cost about three dollars and she got it from the Pick n Save off of Route 93, stole it out of the hands of the woman who wheels her cat around in a metal basket. Cause some days I feel like having purple eyes. And some days I feel like having red ones. But mostly I just like that fact that I look like my Aunt Sally on her Valium days.



Now this one is my favorite..mostly because I TOO happen to lounge around in a yellow bathing suit and heels. I don’t know about you but when I feel like it’s lipgloss and nail polish time I yell out, “HEY GEORGE!" ( he is the homeless man who sleeps below my window on Tuesday’s) "George, bust out that yellow bikini I have been letting you use for a snot rag and bring it over this way because I feel like its lipgloss time!” And that is normally when George mumbles something about the war and then falls asleep on a chard of glass. Ahh, these are the days to remember, cause they will not last forever.