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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Match.com - The TJ Maxx of Dating

Now if you come to me and tell me you have never tried online dating before (even checking craigslist personals counts) then I only have two words for you, You Are A Liar.

We have all done it. We have all been there. Sitting bored at work, scrolling through JohhnyFierce90210, on some dating sight looking to see if he added more pictures or a possibly an education level, *note to self when left blank, assume elementary school.


The problem with most dating sites, Match included, is you have to sort through all the shit just to find one decent player among the group. This is why Match.com is like shopping at TJMaxx. Do they have some good deals? Yes. But you have to sort through racks of Will Smith track suits just to find your BCBG dress.

Now when you do stumble into the BCBG dress marked half down that trampled down three women in spandex pants for, is it great? Absolutely. But what about those days when you walk in and all you can see is broken handle bags and only left-foot shoes scattered on the floor? This is the majority of the people on Match...broken, left-shoes and Will Smith track suits.

In fact most of the people on there make me thank Sweet Mary Magdalene that I am not attached to any of those losers. But could you find a diamond in the ruff? Of course. Just make sure to not get to discouraged by the studded belts along the way.

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Little kids

I have a serious problem with little kids, the problem being, we can’t arrest them.

How come if a little kid throws bread in a supermarket no one arrests him? Why is no one arresting kids? They are disrupting society. I walked onto the subway yesterday and some kid was screaming bloody murder. I bet he would warrant at least two tickets one for public disturbance and the other for some sort of high-pitched noise violation. I bet if you handed him a ticket for 50 bucks and told him Santa wouldn’t visit until the ticket was paid in full he might learn to shut it.

I saw some bitch the other day blocking my view of the magazines in Barnes and Noble. I am guessing she was around five or six. Who did she think she was? She was causing a public disturbance though and someone needed to handcuff her and take her away. I bet if we started throwing some of these toddlers in jail they would learn real quick not to act out. I bet jail food and some hard mopping time would do these four year olds some good!

-ARRESTS TO BE MADE-

PUBLIC DRUNKENNESS

ASSAULT AND A MISDEMEANOR

NOISE VIOLATION AND PUBLIC INDECENCY

PUBLIC NUISANCE AND LOITERING IN TOY AISLE

22 Cizz-omments:

~Jay said...

one of these kids should be arrested for DUI! I see them on the road all the time, terrible.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

yes and drug smuggling as well i assume..

~Jay said...

EXACTLY

Heather said...

I realized recently that I'm pretty into babies, but once they can walk I completely lose interest in them until they're at least 23.

(And your TJ Maxx/Match.com comparison is dead on. So I hear.)

NYCPonderings Chick said...

heather i completely agree on your 'lose interest until 23' theory...

NYCPonderings Chick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ha Ha Sound said...

Yeah, online dating is pretty atrocious for the most part. Have you tried Nerve? At least you can be sure that the people on it will at least be literate.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

No, what's Nerve? how is it different? does it have an IQ exam or something??

Miss Adventurous said...

Just what I needed today! Dude, this is th second post in a row to hit on stuff that is DEEPLY personal to me. I worked my way through high school at TJ Maxx, and picked up many a Will Smith track suit off the floor. I wonder if the people who work for Match.com have a cool nickname for their job like "The Maxxi Pad?"

JanelleGrace said...

Ick. Kids.

I understand about sometimes kids just get tired and they cry but those kids better be under the age of 3. And if you aren't doing anything to your 5 year old that is running around and slapping and pinching people, then you suck. (If you are the person I am talking about, I'm sorry, enjoy the clothes I got you.)

And I have been lucky to never had to do online dating.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@miss- if they DO HAVE A nickname, i hope that is it!

@jan- yes, people need to get a handle on their pinching and running kids for sure

LisaBinDaCity said...

I alternately enjoy and hate online dating. Who knew there were so many wack-jobs out there???

Jocular Schlemiel said...

Young kids should have to apply for a license to get on the train. Constantly are they either making a disturbance, or blocking my view of the 1 pretty chick in a mess of 200 ugly people.

The Battleship said...

Tall girls, kindergarteners - it sounds like you have a serious problem with people obstructing your line of sight. Is THE CHICK pictured in your profile actually you?

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@Joc-...I didnt know I was on your train this morning! ;)

@Bat- YES, how did you figure it out exactly? too many clues? Yes, the actually furry little yellow chick is actually me...i type with one claw, very good.

NYCPonderings Chick said...
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MsPuddin said...

It’s all in the art of the foot. When they come running screaming down the aisle you gotta trip them. They’ll never know what’s coming…

surviving myself said...

Kids make me want to hurt them.

That sounded a little more creepy than I wanted it to.

The Battleship said...

@furry little yellow chick

I'm not really a battleship but I have been known to type with my "cannon" every now and then.

I apologize for the previous sentence. I am extremely juvenile and couldn't stop myself.

Casey said...

The TJ Maxx analogy is GENIUS. And so accurate.

idontliketoread said...

But wait, I thought Will Smith track suits were the ish! I have like seven. Maybe this is why I'm single.

modelbehavior said...

Let's just arrest all of them before they board a plane!