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Thursday, December 6, 2007

Male and Female Apartments and I Cant Believe It's Not Butter

Last night a member of the male species emerged from our bathroom and proclaimed, “Well if I ever get shot or fatally wounded and am bleeding profusely I know there will be enough pads and tampons to save me and an entire army…” My roommates and I just stared at him.

Yes, I admit it; living with all women in a sorority style apartment is like swimming in the waters of a fallopian tube. There is enough estrogen in our place to make anyone want to curl up on the pink sofa with a nice Anne Geddes posters and cry. But the thing I have discovered is men also run in similar patterns.


Anne Geddes...because a period once a month isn't enough!

Just as a girls apartment always contains similar things- I Cant Believe It’s Not Butter Spray ( i love that shit!) and Sex and The City The Board Games ( i beat you Sarah! yes I did! I told you Charlotte dated a gay man in episode 45) ... . A guy's apartment is fashioned the same way, always containing the exact same things as well:

1- No real furniture except for one black leather couch
2- An enormous television that you all chipped in to lease from Rent-Depot
3- Video games with names like, “Things We Can Kill”
4- A Big Jugs magazine in the bathroom, or “horny red-heads” if you prefer..
5- Bottles of old Gatorade
6- A photo of someone puking that still makes you chuckle
7- Two black and white pictures hanging on the wall of the city YOU ACTUALLY LIVE IN (why? You live there! You see it everyday!)
8- The token blue comforter and flannel sheets (neither of which have been washed in two years)
9- A hole in one of the walls where someone punched it in the night their team lost (..I mean why? ..Just why?)
10- A CD of ‘girl’ music, that you only play right before you hook up, maybe Maroon Five or Sarah McLaughlin…just throwin that out there..
11- A box of condoms…I mean really…a BOX? Really?
12- Some kind of pleasure lube…and the ‘pleasures’ part normally means “Ouch ouch… my privates are on fire!”
13- A Doritos bag…no actual Doritos in the bag…just the bag

I challenge any guy to tell me he does not have at least two of these things in his apartment. And I also challenge my best guy friend in NY to stop putting graffiti paint on his NEW CONDO WALLS…. No one is impressed John, and you are not Spencer Pratt from The Hills, so just stop.

11 Cizz-omments:

Jay said...

you forgot the old tacos you found in my apartment last time!

NYCPonderings Chick said...

least i forget!!

So@24 said...

Whoa.

Your description is really accurate to my house.

-shrug-

For as long as I can remember, I always thought that 24 year old males lived in apartments with all black furniture, a mini bar, and glass coffee tables. Sexy cocktail parties would be frequent. How wrong I was.

Laughing through my chardonnay said...

YOu described my first 20 something boyfriend's apartment to a T. Don't forget the 3 foot bong in the corner and the old jar filled with beer caps. Those are staples.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@SO- AWWW BABYDOLLLLL life is never what we expect and no cocktail bars in our apartment either
@LTMC- oh you are sooooo right, i totally forgot about the bong!!!

GiveEmHellHarry said...

Amazing. I would also add at least one beer/hard alcohol neon light/mirror/poster. I never realized we were so predictable.

Oh, and don't forget the sink full of dishes with a new form of life being grown in there.

Quarterlifegirl said...

Hahaha, so true...one time I was over a friends house and he didn't even have glasses! What did he say when I asked for a cup? "Oh there are a few empty beer cans you can clean out if you need to. LOL

LisaBinDaCity said...

Men just don't get it. Tampax is the last thing I ever want to run out of ;-)

NYCPonderings Chick said...

@harry-awww yes, i did forget the rotting dishes part
@quarter- that is seriusly disgusting right there!
@lisa- yes! and we all ahve to have our own stash, taking from each other is not allowed in our place

MsPuddin said...

Haha I can so hear the crickets after his comment about the pads and tampons…guys just don’t get it do they?

And your list sounds about right…did you mention bong water and a porn collection? A box of condoms really is cute...keep hoping guys

NYCPonderings Chick said...

everyone keeps reminding me about the bongs...ok i get it i get it, i forgot about the bong...maybe make it an entirely new post all together- a man and his bong' or something