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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

An Open Letter to the Dude




An Open Letter to the Dude Who Yelled at the Old Lady in Rite Aid:

Dear Dude,

I could see it coming from a mile away. As I stood there, foot cream and Tampax in hand, you raced your way in front of me just to make sure you were in line to purchase your full-calorie grape soda (people still buy that shit?) and Hallmark card. There was an old lady who happened to wander over your way and suddenly it was like watching Britney at the VMAs, where you just kept hoping some serious shit was about to go down, drugs or no drugs...Federline or no Federline, white trash was about to rear its ugly head.

And she just sort of wobbled over with her brown cane and took her spot, conveniently right in front of you with her thick plastic wedge shoes. And I stood there, tapping the Tampax box against my right leg, wishing I had popcorn and fucking 3D glasses for this show. You began yelling at the 107 year old woman, that she was "cutting the line", while she tried to comprehend your screaming and spitting. The old lady probably was having fucking flashbacks to the Civil War.... as you berated her in front of four other drug store attendees.

Now granted, you did have a point, as she cut about five waiting people, but you know what, for all we know this may be her last drug store visit…ever…so why can't she go pay for her FiberOne ten minutes before the rest of us? She is about to meet Jesus in eleven minutes! And I need all the good-press I can get!

What is your hurry to pay for you items for anyway? Is there some big Grape Soda Convention you are rushing off to?

And even better was when she started to argue back with you, mentioning something about being in line first, you kept yelling at her to get to the end of the line. Wow, I have never met such a chivalrous man such as yourself. How the women behind me didn’t faint upon the briskness of your voice is beyond me. All I could think looking at your left hand was…single?! Sweet Pumpernickel and Rye that just CAN’T BE! A man of your strength? It takes a lot to yell at a 4 ft 2 woman in brown shoes, but round of applause you did it man.

11 Cizz-omments:

Cunning_Linguist said...

holy shit..... I missed the grape soda convention. I knew it.

Of course, what you didn't see was what happened 20 minutes later when there was a walker-by shooting and they never caught the perp. Good for you, granny.

Kat said...

I hate people like this...i saw a similar situation happen near me..like let the old people go first, who really cares.

Subway Gal said...

I laughed so hard at that letter that I almost choked on my coconut jelly bean!

If anyone other than an old lady cut in front of me in line, fists would be flying. But if it was an old lady, I probably just would have sighed loudly and made a few nasty faces.

Arjewtino said...

Sometimes old ladies just need to be yelled at.

sid said...

Hmmm, I wonder if he'd shout at wheelchair bound individuals too. Probably.

The Dude®™©™ said...

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS COMMENTED AHEAD OF ME!!!

HERE I AM TRYING TO DEFEND MYSELF WITH MY GRAPE SODA, AND ALL OF YOU ARE CUTTING. GET TO THE END OF THE COMMENTING LINE!

KIM, I'LL BE PICKING YOU UP FOR OUR DATE TONIGHT AROUND 8.

Lioux said...

Brown shoes?!?!!!

MsPuddin said...

I think she probably went home and did some voodoo on his ass. oh. ouch.

Bangs and a Bun said...

Where is this grape soda convention you speak of, 'cause I need to get me some of that action.

surviving myself said...

People don't drink grape pop anymore, it's all about Orange Crush.

And yes, it's "pop."

NYCPonderings Chick said...

you guys crack me up...i laugh harder at your comments then i do at my own postings...hmm maybe that says something...