Monday, August 27, 2007

Working Out 101

I have discovered over many years of soul searching that even though I spend 5 days a week, one hour a day in the realm of elliptical heaven, I actually don’t like working out. Actually I don’t like working out at all.

Actually I like working out about as much as I like falling spread eagle onto a balance beam.
There are the things I don’t like about the gym:

You sweat, and sweating is gross. Sweating is like water that drops from your body. Gross. Sweating also ruins my bronzer…that’s really uncool.

Trainers like to use made-up terms to confuse you. Terms like “cardiovascular”, “fitness” and “aerobic activity” .... Well that whack slang isn’t fooling me. Let’s call training what it really is…making me look like an asshole.

I won’t use machines that make me look stupid at the gym. The only reason I workout is to look cool. Looking cool in the gym is important, so anything that involves silly motions like, “running” or "walking”, I wont do.

It is hard to find cute workout clothes, mostly because they are made out of Satan's material, otherwise known as "cotton". And worst yet, you can’t wear heels. How am I supposed to look good in cotton and flats? What am doing here in this outfit? Curing diabetes in a village or something?

2 Cizz-omments:

lioux said...

I used to work out ALL the time. Like 5 or 6 times a week.

Now I just stay fit with my supermodel diet.

• coffee

• cigarettes

• martinis

NYCPonderings Chick said...

wow I should def try that, I think I am actually really addicted to coffee, I get irritable /cranky/ headache'y when I dont have...although that could just be my natural demeanor