SELFABSORBED.ME

Anndddd she’s back.

Slightly tired. Mostly hungover. Mainly satisfied. Loved ever minute that I actually remember, I do know I ended up stealing Poland springs water bottles from someone’s limo and apparently pissed off a small delivery boy and two 411 operators. All in all I would say it was a success.

I would like to start off this week talking about one of the numerous things in life that keep me awake at night. Song lyrics. Sometimes I am not quote sure who is writing these songs, but I understand some of them about as much as I understand why my dad polishes the loafers he only wears indoors, but hey, some things are left only for Jesus to understand I guess.

Below are some lyrics that have kept me awake many nights.

R . Kelly - Ignition
“Can I get a toot toot and a beep beep...”
Wait, what? You want me to what? Beep? Toot? What? RK are you trying to be modest and not use the real words? Considering you ate out a girl’s ass and wrote a song about it? Really? I am not sure I know how to beep or toot... does the beep involve me being on my back with my arms tied to my sides?

Ashanti – Always On Time
“I’m not always there when you call, but I’m always on time…”
If you weren’t there to pick up the phone when he called, how the hell did you get there on time?

Mary J Blige - Be Without You
“Call the radio if you just cant be without your baby..”
I don’t even have the station's phone number and what station is this anyway? What if I am listening to a CD right now? Because if I call the radio station the receptionist will answer the phone and do what? Find my baby? How did I lose my baby to begin with? Are we talking about an actual baby here?

Whitney Houston- Your Love
"It would take an eternity to break us. Even the chains of Amistad couldn't hold us..."
The CHAINS OF AMISTAD? Seriously? Maybe we being a TAD dramatic here?

I own that dress

But back to my original thought, you should all know that Saturday night if you find me laying in a gated bush in the Meatpacking district, wearing some kind of glitter heels and a tierra, just know, I probably look better than last year.