tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710229321159449357.post1755848400062222302..comments2023-06-24T02:38:15.208-07:00Comments on SELFABSORBED.ME: The Rules: For MenUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710229321159449357.post-70215584788804386012008-10-15T08:34:00.000-07:002008-10-15T08:34:00.000-07:00Saw this and thought it applied...thought didn't w...Saw this and thought it applied...thought didn't write it. Rules for girls. <BR/><BR/>Here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!<BR/>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.<BR/>1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.<BR/>1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.<BR/>1. Crying is blackmail.<BR/>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!<BR/>1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.<BR/>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.<BR/>1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.<BR/>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.<BR/>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.<BR/>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.<BR/>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.<BR/>1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.<BR/>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.<BR/>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.<BR/>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is a vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is.<BR/>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.<BR/>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.<BR/>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.<BR/>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.<BR/>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Hockey, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.<BR/>1. You have enough clothes.<BR/>1. You have too many shoes.<BR/>1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.<BR/>1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.Ben Stegerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01825594436170540075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710229321159449357.post-62004752191130219332008-10-08T17:31:00.000-07:002008-10-08T17:31:00.000-07:00You've got some good stuff here. I think we men ca...You've got some good stuff here. I think we men can work with this. A few thoughts on each rule:<BR/><BR/>1) Done and done! Now that we've agreed that deception is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, if you ladies could make more of an effort to believe us when we are clearly lying it would be greatly appreciated.<BR/><BR/>2) You can come to our stuff, just try not to ruin everything. For instance, if you don't like sports, don't come to the sportsbar and act bored the whole time. Or even worse, try to pretend that you do like sports when you know nothing about them.<BR/><BR/>C) The person with a penis in their mouth should be able to lay down whatever ancillary BJ groundrules they like. Just a comment, though - getting a below average blowjob (there is no such thing as a bad one) is like standing by with a map and a flashlight while a person feels their way through a dark maze. We're just trying to give you a little nudge in the right direction when you get close to the end. Its compassionate, really.<BR/><BR/>4B: Can we meet you halfway and just agree to implant a GPS locator in our skulls so that you'll be able to track our movement at all times?<BR/><BR/>5: Believe me, the guys who like to dance are as problematic for the vast majority of us as they are for you. <BR/><BR/>11F: Most of us aren't terribly fashion conscious and based on the agreement we reached in rule one we're even willing to stipulate that this is a problem we need your help fixing.<BR/><BR/>G: Sure. Since your friends and family are off limits, though, could you try to limit the amount of time you spend talking about them?<BR/><BR/>9: The whole "perfection" thing will backfire if you don't keep your end of the rule one bargain. And when I say "you" I mean women generally and not the one pictured in the banner of this blog, whose physical appearance is in fact flawless.Davehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09822670113795896178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710229321159449357.post-69846921032626935582008-10-08T12:25:00.000-07:002008-10-08T12:25:00.000-07:00Yes. Yes. Lying is the basis of all functional rel...Yes. Yes. Lying is the basis of all functional relationshipsmodelbehaviorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15441344536172564833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710229321159449357.post-50961301617457513822008-10-08T08:02:00.000-07:002008-10-08T08:02:00.000-07:00When will you be authoring 'The Rules' book for gu...When will you be authoring 'The Rules' book for guys on how to get any <I>GUY</I> in the world?!Liöüxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08717918531713031730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710229321159449357.post-70223928856985173692008-10-07T23:21:00.000-07:002008-10-07T23:21:00.000-07:00Ha ha ha. Man you're so friggin spot on with this ...Ha ha ha. Man you're so friggin spot on with this guide. You should publish it. You'd definitely make a load.Sidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16378637266179966793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710229321159449357.post-8673545166919988352008-10-07T11:55:00.000-07:002008-10-07T11:55:00.000-07:00No diapers. That's not my kinda kink. Now of cours...No diapers. That's not my kinda kink. Now of course, if you want to dress up in a cheerleader outfit for lil ol me, I'd surely put that in the "I owe you one" column. <BR/><BR/>We're not going into Top Model and Gossip Girls. I've already put my man-card into question. What goes on behind our closed doors is our business and we'll leave it at that.Cunning_Linguisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07346202583303076574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710229321159449357.post-10169685457291166042008-10-07T09:26:00.000-07:002008-10-07T09:26:00.000-07:00It's about fucking time someone explained these ru...It's about fucking time someone explained these rules to me in a way I can understand.<BR/><BR/>My girlfriend has been trying in vain for years.<BR/><BR/>But, really, #C? You don't need guidance? News to me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710229321159449357.post-66804281132594330732008-10-07T08:54:00.000-07:002008-10-07T08:54:00.000-07:00@ Cunning-Ok , ok, get #1..I need to just sleep w...@ Cunning-<BR/>Ok , ok, get #1..I need to just sleep with you and feed you constantly..is there diaper changes as well? I am thinking this could help cut down on the toilet seat problem perhaps? <BR/><BR/>And in terms of the remote...so wait, what you are saying is you dont actually <I> like </I> watching top model and Gossip girls???/ now I am confused!Kim & Dichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16157760321479220246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710229321159449357.post-26026478906928741472008-10-07T08:31:00.000-07:002008-10-07T08:31:00.000-07:00OK, I'm gonna take one for the team here. Why the ...OK, I'm gonna take one for the team here. Why the hell not. It's not like you know where I live *starts packing anyways*.<BR/><BR/>We'll play by the rules to the damn letter. I swear we will. Now YOU play by the rules.<BR/><BR/>1) we have 3 base needs. Food, sex and sleep. If we're awake and you don't see a sandwich in our hand, get one there stat! If we just ate, your options are limited. <BR/><BR/>2) We'll leave the toilet seat down if you stop asking us questions we'll only be crucified for. You know damn well you're doing it, and WE know you are doing it. Knock it off.<BR/><BR/>3) The remote..... stop fucking touching it. <BR/><BR/>4) see rule #1, all the rest are tertiary.Cunning_Linguisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07346202583303076574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6710229321159449357.post-90865335835699486342008-10-07T07:57:00.000-07:002008-10-07T07:57:00.000-07:00I am printing this out for my boyfriend immediatel...I am printing this out for my boyfriend immediately!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com